Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
