I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
