it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
