It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
