If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
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You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
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Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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