***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
