one word: firstdatebathroomanal
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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