i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies