So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.