I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?