Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club