These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
