my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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