Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
