I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
