My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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