Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
