dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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