its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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