No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
FUCK WHALES
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
