as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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