By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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