i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
