So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
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If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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