I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
