You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
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It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
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Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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