and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
