Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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