Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
