No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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