Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
