Just fell off a train. Bad.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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