there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
