found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
