I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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