How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
