Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Do vagina's smell?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
