I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
