remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize