You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Sorry about my life...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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