I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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