Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
false alarm, still single
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
