What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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