thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
