My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
