were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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