The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Of course I have a pirate flag
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
