why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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