I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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