omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
