There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
