i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
