so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
