Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
