I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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