On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
It's just like the Real World with babies
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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