I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
