my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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